Today — well, yesterday now — is/was November 27th, 2022. On this day last year, I wrote up a blog post called 1127 Words. I discussed the impact Amanda Todd had on me and how it changed the trajectory of my life. I was kind of like an asteroid traveling through space, going in one direction. Then a smaller asteroid named Amanda flew by and ran into me just hard enough to change my orbit. I’m glad she did, but I wish it had been through other means.
Last October, I released an instrumental album. It was always intended to be the first in a series of instrumental albums, and today, for Amanda’s 26th birthday, I’ve dropped the second in the series.
This album consists of 26 tracks. Nearly half of them contain hooks or choruses by other vocalists. It is a significantly larger album, but the intent is the same as before. Music has always been there to help me deal with my own mental health issues, and my goal with these instrumentals is to help others deal with theirs.
As I said, this album is significantly larger than the previous one. It contains a variety of tracks. One, in particular, will stand out, as it’s not just an instrumental, but a collaboration.
The song is called How It Feels, and it features a verse from me. I dropped it in the middle, and there are two other spots on both sides. To separate the verses, there is a hook by the other collaborator: Amanda.
As the world has seen, music was a big part of her life. She loved to sing, and she did it well. Personally, I am a big fan of her talent and wish I could have created a million songs with her. Until I’m gone, this is the closest I will get to that. It’s also a way for her to take part in this project.
As she once stated, she wanted to write a song that could help kids who were going through the same thing as she was. The goal of these instrumentals is to give kids and anyone else who is struggling with mental health issues a musical outlet. Whether you’re good or bad at writing, singing, rapping, or just spoken word, it doesn’t matter. What matters is taking that step and continuing. In time, things will improve. You do have a future, and this album is intended to help get you there.
In case it helps, here are the lyrics to the verse I added:
On this track, Amanda’s speaking facts, you can’t pretend
Until you’ve been there to that place it’s very hard to comprehend
The end is all you seek, and pain is all you see
Despite the love from those around you all you want is sleep
Because the dreams within your head are your escape from life
The way out of the fight, you’re so exhausted and you’ve tried
Day and night and every second in between the tears you’ve cried
As the voice inside your mind tells you things that you don’t like
You hate yourself so much and nothing helps
Nobody else can feel the way you’ve felt and though they make attempts to compel you
And propel you from the darkness, you are blind to the truth
You can’t see that what’s destroying you will pass, you’re consumed
By the anger and the sadness all the madness and the hurt
I lived that way for many years it took time before I learned
That something better was coming, which all my pain had concealed
Later revealed, I almost lost because of how it made me feel
I hope this album helps. Music has been a great way for me to deal with my own mental health issues. Hopefully, this instrumental album can help you with yours.
And before I close this out, there is one last thing to say:
Happy birthday, Amanda. We wish you were here, kid. <3